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2004-08-11 - 10:06 p.m.

Ok you stupid assholes, since you can't seem to live without my diary I've cracked and have decided to post something.

Not a lot of thought has gone into this one, it's more about politics than anything.

If you don't like politics, go burn another one you faggoty hippie.

But if you do, or you just don't care and have nothing better to do than read my nonsensical shit, start by taking this short little survey. Scroll down when you're done.

Don't worry, it's only 5 questions long. Damn three-year olds.

Just shut up and take it! Click the fuck right here.

;-p( ) (This is me eating pussy)

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1. Isn't it horrible what those Americans are doing to the prisoners? The injustice! I can't believe a Nerf football was actually thrown at that guy!

Are they making them simulate sexual acts? The nerve.

Give me a break.

These actions took place in a locked cell in private.

Some dumbass brought a camera and now everyone's being persecuted.

If I remember correctly, there was a televised beheading.

Three people were pulled from their car, burned, then hung from a bridge. This too was televised.

Both incidents drew celebration from the citizens of Iraq, or Afghanistan, or wherever.

Both places are shitholes and easily confused.

That's the problem with America. We never want to exact justice. And when we do, it's on such a small scale that's it's laughable.

We're so scared of offending the minority.

2 examples: The pledge of allegiance and Christmas concerts at schools.

The atheists (a small percentage of the population, to be sure) complained of the theological nuance of the pledge ("One nation under God," for all of you who have been out of school for more than 30 years. I'm looking at you Laney).

And the Jews and Arabs and others of non-Christian descent didn't like the fact of Christmas concerts. Shit, we're not stopping them from singing songs about their beloved rock (the Ka'aba) or their octo-candlesticks (the menorah).

Instead though, we just ban all Christians from participating in their centuries-old ritual.

Last time I checked, America was built on Christian principles.

Yes it's true it was also a haven from religious persecution, but shut the fuck up, I don't feel like getting into that right now.

Besides, the religions it sheltered didn't practice terrorism and theocide; they just practiced what they believed quietly.

So if you answered yes to question 1, you're an ignorant dumbshit.

Moving on.

2. Ok, here's a scenario.

You own a business. I don't know, lets say you're in the same line of work as Edgarfrog and you produce and star in gay-porn.

Now lets say you're putting together a montage of gay-sex to show at your local archdiocese meeting, where there will be 300 priests convening. They have agreed to pay you $30,000.

You have thirty young male sluts who go at the rate of roughly $400/movie (roughly 12 minutes long). You're making fifteen movies starring 2 guys each, and a grand finale with all thirty. Your total casting charge alone is $24,000.

But then you hear from someone in the business that you can get 300 Ethiopians willing to do anything for a Philly cheesesteak sandwich. You do the math and realize that while the Ethiopians are missing most of their teeth and weigh only about 80 pounds apiece, the priests are horny enough to rob the charity coffers to pay you. You make $30,000 at virtually no cost to you.

The point is, everybody does that which is going to augment profit while decreasing cost.

The formula is:

Cheap Labor+A Shit Ton of Advertising=

More Money to buy Prostitutes With

We all do it.

Hence the popularity of illegal Mexican roofers.

They'll do the most dangerous jobs b/c it's ten times better than what they have, and ten times cheaper to the white boss-man.

So if you voted no, you're a hypocritical fuckhead who finds it easier to sleep at night by telling yourself these lies.

3. I posed this question to quite a few people, and everyone has said no. I don't know if they're embarrassed, or if it really is just my brother and I who do it.

In fact, my brother (Schnatty on; no we're not twins. Look at his photo album under his profile for pics from our pajama party) has probably thirty pictures he has taken over the years of shit he found to be fascinating.

He even has one that wrapped around the inside of the bowl twice.

But the best is the one that looks like Fred Savage circa Wonder Years--pre-puberty and subsequent beating with the ugly stick.

I generally just check mine for blood or semen...

Finally, if you answered questions 4 and 5, you're a dumb motherfucker.

Political affiliation is nobody's business but your own you dumb asshole.

If you're a Democrat, expect hate mail and online libel from me until you die.

And if you want that pacifist Kerrey to run the country, I'm going to kick your ass for signing my death certificate. As bombs are dropping on our heads, maybe you can use your "Make love not war" flags to protect you from the debris.

Lastly, I don't want any notes asking me about my party sympathies. I'll never tell.

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